Tag Archive | God

You’ve won my heart

Oct31

I’m here with you at last. I’m here, just standing still and letting you love me. And as the wind flows over the grass on the mountains and the hair on my shoulders, I hear you whisper:  “I know you.” And for once, it doesn’t terrify me to be known. Instead, there’s a surge of relief and intense joy, and though I am wet, muddy, and cold, I feel fresh, free, and alive. The soft rain on my skin feels like an embrace so tender it melts me, and it seems like the most romantic thing in the world to be up here on the hills, on this morning of wind and clouds, discovering how much you delight in me. I want to shout and to soar, to tell you that you are amazing and beautiful and glorious, and that you have captured my heart at last. The pursuit is over – I’m done with running away. I am yours.

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Saturday Morning in a Coffee Shop

Aug4

I sit here now, alone but not lonely, and I feel like I’m part of a different world, one that is lightyears away from the world I can see through the glass wall beside me. I’m supposed to be studying, thinking about Jack and his imbalances and the different ways to treat him, but instead I’m lost in the music from the stereo and the calmness of my solitude. It has been so, so long since I’ve had time to simply relax and listen to my thoughts. So I wander in the meandering pathways of my mind, seeking out the subtle twists and secret corners. And I find, for the first time in a long while, that I am no longer afraid of what I might discover.This freedom, this peace with myself and my God that I found last summer is the sweetest, most beautiful joy I have ever experienced. Even the thrill of being in love cannot surpass this exhiliration, this wonderful feeling of being vulnerable yet secure, unmasked and accepted. Like a golden sunrise chasing away memories of the past night’s desolation, I can feel the incredible tenderness of Jesus melting the walls of guilt and shame in my heart. How I lived for so long without this intimacy with my Savior is beyond me, but now that I have found it, I never, never want to lose it again. How amazing that only when I surrendered did I finally become free.

As I linger in the privacy of my thoughts, the other tables around me are filling up with people. Conversations mingle with the music and disturb the stillness that surrounded me a while ago. I can feel the sun grow warmer through the glass wall and the street outside become busier as people hurry about their business. When I leave here, I will get caught up in the city’s pace once more. But the peace in my heart is constant, a gift of grace that has no season. The choice to surrender is costly, but the reward is far greater than its price. It is the soul-deep assurance that no matter what happens today, next week, and in all the years to come, my identity is secure. To have this healing truth move from my mind to the depths of my soul is one of the most unforgettable legacies of last summer. The encounter with grace has changed my life, and my moments of solitude, like this morning, have become celebrations of a soul restored, a mind renewed and a heart made whole.

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On Gentleness

Jul17

Do not mistake gentleness for weakness. It does not mean a lack of potency, but rather a choice to contain it. When the mighty Creator of the universe reaches out with the loving hand of a father to his child, when the roaring Lion of Judah speaks with the tender voice of a lover to his bride – that’s gentleness. It’s power restrained. It’s strength under control.

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Praise You in This Storm

Nov23

by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God,
You would have reached down and wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining…

And as the thunder rolls,
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you…”
And as Your mercy falls,
I’ll raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise you in this storm and I’ll lift my hands
For You are who You are, no matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried, You hold in Your hand
You never left my side, and though my heart is torn
I’ll praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You and raised me up again
My strength is almost gone, how can I carry on
If I can’t find You..?

I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

And though my heart is torn, I’ll praise You in this storm….

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Cry of My Heart

Nov4

I can feel you pursuing me, I can feel the persistence of your love. A thousand times I’ve turned away from you, I’ve let you down, I’ve broken more promises than I care to count. And yet here you are, whispering, calling me to return to your embrace. Why me? Why, when you can see behind my masks and know all my secrets, would you still choose me? You are blameless, you are pure, and I bear the guilt and the dirt of the many times I’ve stumbled. Yet you look at me…you look at me as if I am more precious, more beautiful to you than I can ever imagine. You see me through the eyes of tenderness, through the eyes of breathtaking, extravagant grace. Your love is costly, but you did not hesitate to pay the price.

How many times have I broken your heart? How many times have I tried again, only to fail? And yet here you are again, holding out another chance, and I am torn. I want to believe that I can make it this time, that I will no longer be unfaithful. But the memories of the many ways I’ve hurt you hang in my mind, and I am afraid.

Can we really hope again, you and I? I want to belong to you once more, completely, like I once did when I first fell in love with you. I want you to teach me the art of losing myself in your love, surrendering with no inhibitions or pride, only trust. Do not give up on me yet, do not let go. Take me again, take my fear, take my shame. I know only you can release me. Take the broken pieces of my heart and heal these wounds. Make me whole, make me pure, make me free — so that you can finally, truly, call me Yours.

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Garnet

Aug2

She is silent, and it is not the kind of silence I am used to from her. It is a weary silence…as if she were too broken and too exhausted to try to express whatever is haunting her.

She wants to give up, but to her, giving up has never been easy. She has held on for the longest time – dreaming big dreams and caring with all her heart and giving everything she had. It is not easy to let go of that now. But she is disillusioned, and she is hurting too much. If only, if only, if only…. But the wounds are already too deep, and she cannot pretend any longer.

I am not used to seeing her like this. Nobody is. She smiled so freely and laughed too easily for me to ever imagine her this way. But I look at her now and realize that maybe, just maybe, I have never really seen her before.

I want to ask her to hold on just a little bit longer. I want to tell her to talk to me, let me take some of the pain. And most of all, I want to urge her to try again, just one more time. But how can I ask that of her? How can I tell her to dream again, when she had given her soul to this one dream, and it had broken her heart so badly? How can I convince her that I believed in her, when she had already stopped believing in herself? The look in her eyes seems too distant for me to reach….

And yet I must try. She may not know it, but I feel that if she surrenders now, it will change her forever. If she stops dreaming, she may never allow herself dreams as big and beautiful as this one again. If she gives up, it will be a betrayal of the very essence that makes her who she is. Letting go will hurt her as much as holding on.

She needs to believe again. Just one more time, just one more try. Just one more dream. Maybe this time, she’ll find herself not being alone.


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Chosen as Mine

May30
Here I am so close to you
Know my voice, I’ll never leave you
For I have loved you since before the sands of time were made
I love you still and always will.
You’re chosen as Mine

My Father wants to bless you now,
Receive from Him all that you’ll ever need.
Come spend eternity with Me. My heart’s full of love for you.
I love you still and always will.
You’re chosen as Mine.
Cries in the desert, My child, I hear them.
Tears in the valley, My lovely, I count them.
You’re so precious; you were on My mind as I died.
I love you still, always will.
You’re chosen as Mine.
* the sweetest, most beautiful love song I have ever heard

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one spectacular summer

May15

Whew… I don’t know where to start. Once again, I find words so empty when trying to describe this joy I have inside. God has been so faithful, so good, and it always takes my breath away when I think of all He has done for me this summer. He never fails to amaze, and as usual, all that I expected fell short of what He had in store for me. I do not deserve to be loved this way, but His grace makes it possible.

First of all, the NLTI. It was wonderful! How can I describe the joy of worshipping God with His people? How can I put into words the thrill of learning things that will be vital in my ministry, or the sweetness of finding encouragement in the lives of His children? I had no idea just how much I needed those experiences until God gave them to me. The new things I tried, the friends I met, the inspiration I found in the lives of His servants – all these refueled the fire in me and refreshed my desire to serve Him better, love Him deeper and enjoy Him more. It was over too quickly. I will always treasure every memory, I will hide in my heart everything that I have learned. Next year, God willing, I will again be in Cebu. I need more training, I want to be better equipped, and I want to once again enjoy the company of those who share the same passion and serve the same God. Ten more months to go. I can hardly wait. (“,)

And then the church anniversary. God has been so faithful in providing the strength, creativity and talent we needed to help make the program a joyful celebration of His seventh year of faithfulness to the Christian Community Fellowship. But more than the success of the presentations, what I really treasure are the closer friendships that formed within the young people. We have a new youth pastor, Pastor Marvin Lachica, and it was his first time to lead the youth in any activity. Praise God for the smooth transition, I especially enjoy seeing the boys treat him as a friend. My prayer is that God will use him as the mentor they need and bless him as he continues to adjust to his new environment.

And then more recently, the CCF summer youth camp, dubbed Rescue 113 (from Colossians 1:13). It was designed for evangelism, and it was also the first major activity of the new core group. The youth leaders were hesitant at first, doubting their ability to lead small groups and facilitate programs. But God is so faithful, and my heart just overflows with joy when I think of how He has worked not only for the salvation of the non-Christian campers but also for the growth of our core leaders and the revival of other church youth. He truly makes everything beautiful in His time. I can’t stop praising God when I recall how responsible, confident and mature our core group turned out to be, thanks to His grace.  I feel so fulfilled, so blessed and so thankful that all the tears, prayers and effort spent in caring for them were not in vain. (Leah, Jocelyn, Vanessa, Inggo, Lisa and Rhyme, I am so very proud of you. You just don’t know how happy I am that you trusted God despite your fears. I feel so honored and humbled at the same time to be your ate, and I will always, always be praying for you. I love you so much.) The Sunday after the camp was a wonderful, happy experience. The new believers came to church and kept asking about when the next camp would take place. They have already spread the word in their community about what God has done in their lives, and are excited about bringing their friends. God willing, we will be ready to facilitate an Encounter God Retreat in October. Again, I can hardly wait.

The summer is not yet over. There are still two True Love Waits lectures and one wedding on the schedule before the sem begins. And when it does, the campus ministry will once again be in full swing. Oh, I am so excited. I know God will be faithful, and I know He will always take my breath away with His grace. It is such a joy to serve Him, I wouldn’t trade this priviledge for anything else. I could sing of His love forever!!!

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STILL

Feb25

Hide me now under Your wings. I am afraid, because of everything that is happening in my time, my generation, my world. My country is hurting, lives are being shattered and dreams are being broken. Cover me within Your mighty hands. You are my only shelter, I need the security that only You can give. Your people need a safe place to turn to, a place of healing, a place where hope can be found again.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar, when the mountains fall and the seas rush in, when we cannot trust our leaders and we cannot tell the truth from lies, I will soar with you above the storm. You are greater than our problems, You are greater than our pain. Father, You are King over the flood, You are still in control, You who promised to never leave us nor forsake us.

I will be still, know You’re my God.

I rest my soul in Christ alone – for He is the only one I can trust, the only one who never fails and never lets go. Know His power in quietness and trust. Even when I do not understand, even when my faith falters and doubt wins, the truth never changes that He is good all the time. I can put my future in His hands, there is no safer place to be.

I will be still, know You’re my God.

____________________________________________________________

* Lines in italics are property of Hillsong Australia.


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At a loss for words

Jan2

When you have a Friend that holds you close despite your glaring imperfections, when you have a Saviour who forgives over and over again, when you have a God who somehow chooses to use the flawed vessel that is your life, can there be any words of praise and thanksgiving joyful enough to express your heart?

There are none.

And yet, I have to try. If only I can translate my tears to words…but surely He knows, and He sees how grateful I am.

He is wonderful. No, He is so much more than that. These past few weeks…I do not know how to recount them, I do not know how to tell the story of how He moved in the way it deserves to be told. All I know is, the Encounter God Retreat camp is an amazing testimony of His power, and I am humbled to have witnessed how He changed lives. The first night of the retreat was a discouraging sight. The hall was filled with around 200 young people who did not know how to worship God, who did not even desire to do so… And yet, when the last day came, the building shook with the shouts and jumps of His praising children who have been redeemed, purified, embraced. The God who hears. That is our God.

It was incredible. To witness how young people finally learned to look inside their own hearts and recognize their need, to see how hearts were broken with repentance, and to watch as those broken hearts were made whole by Love. I can only ask, Why, Lord? Why this grace, why this unmerited favor? Who are we, that You would love us so stubbornly?

But I know. It is not because of who we are, but because of who He is. There is nothing I can ever do to deserve this.

All I can do is to thank Him. For the victory. For the power. For the amazing, breathtaking grace. Over and over again, I thank Him.

Teach me, Lord, how to love You the way You want me to…

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