Evenstarlight

This list of daydream-worthy characters actually started with an idea that has the potential to land me on failbook.com if I ever carry it out:

But since I haven’t found the perfect picture to represent a composite of all my fictional lovers yet, this will have do for now:

Top Ten Fictional Characters Who Melt Me

10. Buzz Lightyear of Star Command – You might say a cartoon character is out of place on this list, but I’ve loved him forever (this is Buzz Lightyear from the Disney Channel series, not from Toy Story), so I can’t leave him out. And why should I? He’s brave, heroic, and he saves the universe on a daily basis. Plus, he has the best catchphrase ever: To infinity and beyond!!! Beats Superman’s “Up, up, and away,” if you ask me.

9. Westley – He’s a pirate. In a black ninja mask.  That right there is ten different kinds of awesome already, but there’s more. He also has kickass sword fighting skills, a sharp wit, and a superb intellect. Plus he responds to Buttercup’s every whim with “As you wish.” Learn, gentlemen, learn. (The Princess Bride movie adaptation is hilarious, but it’s got nothing on the book. If you haven’t read it yet, you’re missing out on one of the best comedic experiences in fantasy literature.)

8. Hector - He’s just the most all-around decent guy in The Iliad. No womanizing, arrogance, or war-thirst here — he’s just a guy forced to fight a war he didn’t want to defend the country his irresponsible younger brother jeopardized.  But as mighty as he was on the battlefield, he was also incredibly loving to his wife and child. Both strength and tenderness in a man — who could resist that? It also doesn’t hurt that the gorgeous Eric Bana played him in Troy (a.k.a The Beautiful People Go to War, which is less an adaptation of The Iliad and more of an excuse to show as many bare, oiled muscles as possible outside of a wrestling match). I have a weakness for guys with deep, rough voices, and that man has a voice so manly he could probably make a drag queen grow ovaries.

7. Noah Calhoun - He loves nature, reads poetry, writes love letters, plays the guitar, and loves faithfully and forever. The Notebook should probably come with a warning: High Risk of Causing Female Frustration. I hate you, Nicholas Sparks, for making me fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist!

6. King Mongkut – I know he’s not exactly fictional, but I just loved how Chow Yun Fat portrayed him in the film Anna and the King. All that restrained passion and sexual tension between him and Anna was absolutely delicious to watch. Sometimes a glance is more potent than the most poetic avowals of love. And sometimes glances are all that can be shared. King Mongkut kept himself from promising Anna a future that he knew was impossible, no matter how much they both longed for it. That’s integrity even when it’s most difficult, and it separates the men from the boys.

5. Barney Snaith – The town outcast who turns out to be the best friend a girl can have, Barney is my favorite L.M. Montgomery hero. (You can keep your Gilbert Blythe, Anne.) In The Blue Castle, he introduces Valancy to the magic of woods and hills and fields, and she blooms under his care. They go wandering around the gorgeous Canadian outdoors, or they read together in front of the fire with their two cats, or they just sit on the porch watching the twilight in contented silence. This is the kind of life I want to have, and a man like Barney Snaith is the perfect someone to share it with. A girl can dream, right?

4. Captain Von Trapp* – Again, not quite fictional, but there’s something about stern, masterful men that women find fascinating. Still waters run deep, they say, and we just can’t resist wanting to see the warmth and passion beneath that cool, controlled exterior.  So when the proud captain turns to Maria in that moonlit garden and tells her that he loves her “whether or not [he] should,” you just know that he would turn the full force of his nature into loving her. And  that, ladies and gentlemen, marked my entrance to puberty — when I started watching The Sound of Music not only for the songs but for the drama between the rigid Captain Von Trapp and the impetuous Maria.

3. Alessan di Tigana bar Valentin – An exiled prince, a desperate revolutionary, a brilliant strategist, a gifted musician — the central character of G.G. Kay’s fantasy novel Tigana commands attention from both comrades and enemies alike. And can you blame them? He is both poignantly human and larger than life. And no woman, fictional or otherwise, can possibly resist being told that, “You are the harbor of my soul’s journeying.” Excuse me, I have to swoon.

2. Jesse – I have never seen so much chemistry between two leads in a modern love story as there is between Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. The way that Jesse looks at Celine — it’s as if he’s trying to figure out how in the world he happened to come across someone so beautiful. Jesse himself is beautiful: witty, articulate, intelligent, spontaneous, sensual. They captivate each other in the most bittersweet, poignant love story I have ever seen on the screen, and they convince us that it’s possible: On the most ordinary day, something unusual might happen and you might end up meeting the love of your life. And when that happens, don’t let go. (Or *spoiler alert* at least get a freaking phone number, for heaven’s sake. Jesse, I would totally have given you mine.)

1. Aragorn – There are so many sides to this Man of the West in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings: a scholar, a poet, a healer, a vagabond, a warrior, a king. Also, a lover to Arwen Evenstar, for whom he must win his kingdom back so that he could gain her father’s approval. Elrond played the part of demanding, reluctant potential father-in-law with uncommon relish. Basically, he said to Aragorn, “Sure, you can marry my daughter, but only after you go on a suicidal mission almost forty years from the time you met.” To which Aragorn replied, “Whatever you say, Dad.” So, yeah. I’ll take this scruffy, grimy Ranger over those debonair Prince Charmings any day.

There you have it. A fabulous female friend of mine once quipped, “Honey, if he’s too good to be true, then he probably isn’t.” Well, happy daydreaming anyway.

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* Mr. Darcy has the same appeal, but Captain Von Trapp can actually play the guitar and sing, so more sexy points for him.